If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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