i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
