No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
