Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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