That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
