I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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