tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
