so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
im holly from the hills drunk
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
