i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
