im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
