once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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