I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
