i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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