so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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