What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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