So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
