the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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