Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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