I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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