VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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