id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
