Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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