I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
