Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
