JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
