i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
