I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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