I think I died a long time ago.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
