Taylor Swift is so right about you.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
