I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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