i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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