She's JV to your varsity
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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