i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
