it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
