No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
