epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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