Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
