At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I understand Curling. That high.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
