Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
