I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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