Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
