Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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