she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
