Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
This baby is an asshole
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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