The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
it's great music for shaving your balls
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
