he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
