Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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