I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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