peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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