The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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