OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
