Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
