just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
