My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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