I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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