D3 body, D1 cock
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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